Nothing New to Report

I have nothing new going on these days. I feel like there's a rut I keep falling into. Going along, happy as a clam, doing what I do, and then BLAMO! I'm bored and slightly blue. It happens at this time every year. The sun sets earlier, the weather turns cooler, the leaves start to change, and I lose some happiness.

I keep wondering what I can do to change this feeling. What is it? A new job? A new wardrobe? Better reading material? Exercise (Haha!)? A hair style? Who knows. All I know is that I'm tired of feeling this way.

I have a lot of daydreams of what I think my perfect life would look like. It changes or is altered depending on my mood or what's going on in our world. And just as I think I've figured it out, set things in a way that I can identify my heart's desire, I get annoyed with my visions and start a whole new daydream. Or reality sets in and I realize that I'm too old and settled to be a rock star archaeologist in a French-speaking location who designs her own lights but doesn't have to climb ladders. And I really don't want to go back to school...or do I?

I apply for jobs I think I would love. I've even gotten an interview or two out of my efforts. I interview, I feel good, and then, nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. And then I get discouraged and settle back into my dissatisfying routine once again.

Why can't I just be happy with what I have? Why can't I just be secure in what I am and what I do? Why do I feel so restless and frustrated? Will I ever stop feeling like I need to be defined by what I do for a living? Will I ever discover the Holy Grail formula for cover letter writing? And why won't someone, anyone see that even though my Master's is in Theatrical Lighting Design, it's still a Master's Degree and THAT IS WORTH SOMETHING.

So, as Fall quickly approaches, I feel my mood plummet and dissatisfaction begin to set in. Something's gotta change, and maybe it's just my attitude.