Professionalism

I worked at a bookstore for a few years on a part-time basis. For the most part, it was a great place to work. I worked with some great people, had fun while I worked, and got to interact with some very nice customers. One of the skills we were encouraged to develop was non-reaction. Our job was to help the customers, not judge them.

In early January 2008, a male customer, probably in his late 40's/early 50's approached my register with a specific calendar question. "Miss," (he called me Miss which was kinda nice because the Ma'ams had started coming more frequently since the birth of my daughter), "do you have any penis calendars?" Without blinking an eye or a change in facial expression I replied, "Well sir, I'm not quite sure if I've seen any of those on the shelves, but let's head over to the calendars and see what we can find." I was pretty sure we didn't carry penis calendars but was thinking we might find something in the "One-A-Day" calendars that might work. Maybe a cartoon or something.

We searched throughout the section without any luck. As most of the calendar stock was sold prior to the holidays, the available styles had dwindled down to the more unpopular subjects - golf jokes, country cottages, the highly confusing "Busy Mom's Home Organizer", pigs in tutus, etc. I apologized to the customer and told him if he'd like to order one to please let me know and I'd be happy to help. He thanked me for my assistance and went to another part of the store to shop and I went back to my register.

About a half hour later, the man approached my register and asked if we could try to order the calendar. I pulled up the appropriate screen on my computer and asked, "Now, you were looking for a penis calendar, right?" There was no response. I looked up to a very red-faced man who began to stutter, "No, no, no, no. No. I said Peanuts calendar. Like, Snoopy." And without blinking an eye or a change in facial expression I replied, "Well, that's a very different calendar. Peanuts, let's see what we have. I think we may have a few of those left on the shelves."

Speak up, I'm kinda stupid

Everyday I mishear something. Not misunderstand, mishear. It's gotten to the point that when people inquire, "What do you think I said?" it's asked with some glee because they know it's gonna be a good one. And sometimes, it is. I'm not sure why this happens to me. Is it because I'm not really paying attention? Because I probably have the beginnings of an ear infection? Or is it because I hear what I want to hear, and sometimes I want to hear the bizarre?

Here is the most classic example of one of my mishearings. In 1997, I was asked by a guy I liked, "If I were to pass you a note in theatre history that asked if you'd go out with me, would you check Yes, No, or Maybe?" I replied, "I guess I'd choose Monkey?" Because that is what I heard him say. I heard him ask me if I'd choose "Yes, No, or Monkey". IN MY DEFENSE, I was in a lift, about 20 feet in the air attempting to repair a lighting instrument that wasn't behaving properly. But why, oh why, oh why would I have thought Monkey would have ever been an option? (By the way, we did eventually go and get some coffee. It wasn't a love match, but I remember having a nice time.)

The result of my mishearing was a lot of laughter from those present at the time and a story that I still hear from time to time. Or I hear someone just randomly tell me, "I'd choose Monkey." And it makes me laugh.

Do other people do this, too? Please share your best example of mishearing and you'd better make it funny! I'm in a bleh mood and need some cheering.